dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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