You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
