i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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