Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
