i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize