i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
