dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
