operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
