His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
