My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
