What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
