Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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