I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
