last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
