There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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