I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
