Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
