Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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