Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
