Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
The air was thick with penises
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
