based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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