I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
