they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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