no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
