I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
