You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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