I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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