Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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