in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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