Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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