I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
