when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
