I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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