I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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