you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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