I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
