I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
