How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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