i need an iv and a liver transplant
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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