It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
