Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you will always have a special place in my vag
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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