No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
