I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
third nipple confirmed
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
