fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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