hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
