How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
