11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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