the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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