I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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