Texts From Last Night

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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won

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  (262): Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won http://tfl.nu/cdx8
  Replies (10) Good night (4700) Bad night (704)
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  (925): View more from California

  First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.

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  (925): First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so. http://tfl.nu/lvgi
  Replies (91) Good night (827) Bad night (9880)
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  (905): View more from Toronto

  She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.

  (416): View more from Ontario

  Got yourself a keeper right there.

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  (905): She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use. (416): Got yourself a keeper right there. http://tfl.nu/t8iu
  Replies (26) Good night (5026) Bad night (887)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.

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  (253): She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much. http://tfl.nu/wscf
  Replies (21) Good night (8561) Bad night (865)
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  (619): View more from California

  His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.

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  (619): His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini. http://tfl.nu/6erh
  Replies (9) Good night (4624) Bad night (1323)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.

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  (207): Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina. http://tfl.nu/f26o
  Replies (43) Good night (11979) Bad night (1413)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.

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  (712): Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/ntux
  Replies (11) Good night (3707) Bad night (873)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)

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  (413): Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option) http://tfl.nu/d3t6
  Replies (13) Good night (4194) Bad night (844)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."

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  (215): i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight." http://tfl.nu/7mfw
  Replies (23) Good night (2245) Bad night (1299)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.

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  (781): MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome. http://tfl.nu/90bv
  Replies (14) Good night (2141) Bad night (661)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.

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  (806): He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead. http://tfl.nu/inpn
  Replies (2) Good night (1059) Bad night (686)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.

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  (832): I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway. http://tfl.nu/6mtf
  Replies (2) Good night (439) Bad night (563)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....

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  (515): Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity.... http://tfl.nu/stin
  Replies (4) Good night (706) Bad night (508)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.

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  (410): We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again. http://tfl.nu/b5s0
  Replies (1) Good night (851) Bad night (293)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack

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  (602): Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack http://tfl.nu/paaa
  Replies (2) Good night (354) Bad night (444)

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