I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.