So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES