If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.