and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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