there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
