I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Randomize
