Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
His hands were made for my vagina.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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