sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
