you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
