Ambien. No doubt about it.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
