Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
