there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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