I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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