Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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