no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
