I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Can't talk, ducks in the car
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
