either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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