don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
