hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Such a big mess for such a small penis
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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