the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
