Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
