my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
