oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
