Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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