you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.