Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot