Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there