I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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