I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward