she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I didn't notice because vodka
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
