His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
