I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
