Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
