I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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