Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
