There was a lot of him and a little penis
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
