PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
