Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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