i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
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