I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
