question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
